Nature Hates Us
As bad as the Western prejudice against Asian males is, there
is one factor even deeper than societal prejudice working against
the average Asian man. Yes, even if all the people in the world
were suddenly brainwashed into not being racist anymore and all
of the aforementioned examples ceased to exist, the Asian man
would continue to be screwed. Why? Because Nature hates us.
I was considering titling this section "God hates us", but like
many Asians, we weren't indoctrinated with religion growing up as
kids and thus I have a more stoic view on the world. Regardless of
whether there is a God or not, though, one thing is clear - whoever
or whatever is responsible for the design of the modern world, whether
the hand of God or the forces of mathetmatical randomness, they hate
Asians. Let's look at a few examples:
Asians are not hairy: When was the last time you saw an Asian
with a hairy body? Asians just aren't too hairy. It's pretty hard for
the average Asian to grow a full beard. It's almost impossible for
an Asian to have a hairy chest. And in a society where hairiness is
usually equated with manliness (recall the phrase 'This'll put some
hair on your chest!'), the end result is that Asians usually get viewed
as effeminate fairies, not real manly men. I'm not sure what odd figment
of evolution decided that having hair was manly, unless being manly
is somehow related to being descended from apes. Thankfully this trend is dying
out, with help from an unlikely source, that is, the rising popularity
of metrosexuals. The appropriation of the gay male sensibility means that
more and more women are finding the sleek and hairless look more attractive
than the ridiculous fur-covered look, so I guess we Asians have to thank
the metrosexuals for something. Sadly, this is where the good news ends
for Asian men.
Asians are short: Fast fact: The average white man is 5'9" tall.
The average Asian man is 5'5" tall. Asians are just shorter than whites,
though not by much. Still, this is enough to fuel endless jokes about
how short Asians are, mostly in the movies (again, the media scourge!)
Asians are also much more tightly clustered aroud the average, so there
are a LOT of them around 5 and half feet, whereas the white male is more
spread out, so there are plenty 6-foot-and-then-some monsters out there.
Why does this make a difference? Because girls can be ridiculously shallow.
Now I'm a very forgiving person. You could have a million different pairs
of shoes and a different outfit for every day of the year and sitll I'd hesitate
to call you shallow. But I will not hesitate to call you shallow if, like
so many girls, you're the type who insists that your boyfriend be a certain
height. Many girls I've talked to say a prospective male has to be at least 5'10"
to even warrant consideration, and many say that they would never date somebody
their own height or shorter. I don't know what the big deal is. I'm 5'9" myself
(taller than both of my parents, and have been for years) and I wouldn't rule
out dating a girl TALLER than myself. I wouldn't rule out dating a girl SHORTER
than myself either. Maybe I'm just weird, but I happen to think that height
ranks slightly lower than eye color on the list of Things To Look For In A
Significant Other.
Asians have smaller dicks: Yeah, I said it. Asians are getting taller
all the time, as generations go by - no consolation to short Asians of THIS
generation, but maybe their grandsons won't have as many problems as they did...
provided they even have grandsons. One thing that Nature really hates Asians
on, though, is the following. The average white man's dick is 6.13 inches long.
The average Asian man's is 5.08 inches. (You have no idea how many gay porn and
penis enlargement websites I had to comb through to get these statistics. I
hope you all thank me for the dedication I put forward for this site.) Never mind
the "Size doesn't matter" lie - the fact is that in the back of every woman's mind,
whether they consciously acknowledge it or not, the Asian man just doesn't measure
up to the white man. Yeah, that was a pun. And it was on purpose. In any case,
averages are a mean thing. An Asian guy with an 8-inch monster still has to labor
with the stereotype. Nametags that say "Hi, my name is Harry Lee, and I have an 8-inch
dick." just aren't in style yet.
Rare is the girl who is willing to look past all of these things. Rarer still is
the girl who prefers shorter, hairless men with small dicks. The only
man more cursed by his genetics and less likely to have a happy life than the
American-born Asian is a gay French man who lives in Texas. Sorry guys - Nature
just hates us.