They Steal Our Culture
I've ranted quite a bit about why Asians are screwed,
so on and so forth. So it might seem at first glance surprising,
shocking, or even impossible that there might be white guys that
actually want to emulate Asians. These white-guys-who-want-to-be-
Asian (hereafter referred to as 'Fried Eggs' - white on the outside,
yellow on the inside, bad for your heart, and goes straight to your hips)
might seem like they're only following a dead end path. In
actuality, though, they're just another cog in the Giant Machine of
Asian Man Screwage.
It's pretty easy to tell a Fried Egg when you meet one. Most of them
attempt to appropriate some sort of Asian culture (usually Japanese,
sometimes Chinese). However, their knowledge of said culture is
woefully limited. If you've got the Japanese Fried Egg, you're dealing
with somebody who watches anime and likes sushi. If you've got the
Chinese Fried Egg, you're dealing with somebody who takes kung fu
lessons. In fact, their knowledge of culture is so limited that it's
insulting for them to even claim they like Japanese culture, when all
they know about Japanese culture is Dragonball Z.
That's not to say that every anime fan is a Fried Egg. I know quite
a few very reasonable anime fans. However, for every reasonable anime
fan, there is a certifiable Fried Egg nut. These guys are instantly
spottable. They'll usually have some variant of "SSJGoku2941293" as
their IM handle or recite "Aku soku zan!" (horribly mispronounced, of
course) as if that phrase was some deep saying by Confucius.
Some of them may sport kanji shirts or even tattoos, like this guy
over here to the right. Fried Eggs usually like kanji because they think
it looks cool, or it makes them look more 'culturally diverse', whatever
the hell that means. Unfortunately for this guy, his tattoos claim that
the four elements are water, fire, earth, and... empty. Sorry! I bet
I could make a shirt that says "I am a stupid ignorant foreigner" in
Japanese, and Fried Eggs would buy it.
Now that we've gone over the characteristics of a Fried Egg, it's time
to explain why Fried Eggs also screw Asian Men over. While a Fried Egg
is usually a quote-unquote 'dork' and therefore is not usually a big
competitor for girls (having usually marginalized themselves into the
anime or video game communities), this only means they're not really
competition for other white guys. Rather, they compete for the small
pool of girls who are into Asian culture. Let's say you meet a girl
in your, oh, Chinese Culture class. You think you've got a chance, right?
But no! Along comes some white guy who quotes Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon,
has a tattoo that says "male" on his arm, and whose IM handle is
"HimuraKenshinBattousai". The girl is blinded by the Fried Egg's so-called
'cultural diversity' and 'understanding of Asian issues', and once again
the Asian guy is left in the dust.
It's a sorry trend, but Fried Eggs are going to get increasingly popular
as Asian culture becomes 'in', whereas actual Asian people remain ignored.
Just like real fried eggs and the Atkins diet, Fried Eggs are being consumed
more and more, despite being so bad for you, yet nobody wants to believe it.